Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The One, the Everyone

Haven't blogged for quite a while. Been so busy starting my own small online business, as can be accessed via this link:

But from time to time, thoughts are coming in as a good content for some blogs and I regret for having no time to go back to writing these days. Heck, I'm sure I'll find my way to write again and for the mean time let me post this tiny thought that just popped out of my busy mind upon trying to participate in a Filipino forum thread, where my ad posts are very active:

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Taking Care of My(physical)self

Do I love you because you're beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

With regards to taking care of my physical body and staying good-looking all the time, the following are a few guidelines I give to myself:

Friday, September 18, 2009

Christmas in the NOW

I'm celebrating Christmas in the NOW. I choose to feel Christmas everyday as a way of being happy always. The intensity of my feeling rises because the Philippines has the longest celebration of Christmas season, I think.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Requirement in Guidance and Counseling...

I am currently enrolled to earn a degree in Education. Recently, Prof. Joanna C. Consignado required us to submit a report, and this is what I wrote:

Output Report on an Echo-Seminar

There was an echo-seminar conducted at the EAC-Manila Campus last July 25, 2009. The title was "Trends and Updates in Effective Teaching Methodologies". This involves a number of speakers, both coming from EAC-Manila and EAC-Cavite branches.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

One Hand clapping

Several days ago, I came to meditate on a famous Zen koan (philosophical riddle) which asks, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?". Allow me to share my own answer to this...

I put together my 2 hands in a clapping mode and heard the clapping hands saying: "bravo!", "praise-worthy", "excellent", "glorious".

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Forwarded Message

I just got a text message, forwarded message actually, from a friend that says:
A friend is never a coincidence in our life, they are once a stranger, meant to come into our life to bring you priceless lessons and funny memories. Thanks for being one!"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Personal Definitions

Guy: "What is your treat to the cats this holiday season?"
Me: "Well, actually I always treat them even on no special occasions. Now, there are hot dogs left on the fridge after cooking pasta for my students. These cats have them. On a cold weather like this, I think the best treat I can give them is a cuddle. Is it not sweet?"
Guy: "Yes, it's sweet. But you know how cats are, sometimes you try to cuddle them and they squirm away from you. Like some women, actually." (giggles)
Me: "You think so?" (laughs) "Because that who cuddle is so vague. Precision is preferred."
Guy: "Precision cuddling." (laughs) "Only you would come up with something like that. You're one of a kind."

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Praises, Longing, and Sorry

I was a fool...
I was vulnerable...
I couldn't control myself...
But I have hoped!

What are praises for? I'm not used to it, anyway. I haven't heard my parents praise me nor my brother does; and that, I don't understand. I just have few friends though and sometimes they praise me a little and I don't mind that attention. At work, knowing my boss, he is not the type of person to give praises generously. With my students, there are of course petty little comments but it outweighs those damn complaints against me. Thus overall, I hear just few praises since I got consciousness in the world.

Friday, October 17, 2008

I Miss You

Hi Baby, It's your birthday today...
Don't you know how I really really miss you?
Sorry but I almost cannot breath;
When I think that I can't even hold you now in my arms.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

On Business and MIS

MIS Changes the Face of Business
(Answer to the Final Exam Given by Dr. Ofelia M. Carague for the Subject Management Information System)

Most people nowadays are becoming more and more technology-oriented. We notice that individuals, regardless of age bracket, geographic location, or socio-economic status have had direct experiences (at least) of cellular phones, desktop computers, laptops and Internet. The result of innovating electronic devices, advancing telecommunications, and connecting knowledge, people, software and hardware altogether has dubbed our present times as the “Connected Age”. In business arena, managers are inevitably using sophisticated few tools to run their organization. Their tools are high-end electronic devices loaded with various software to make them more productive and to increase work efficiency. These tools however do not suffice its meaning without connectivity and therefore the Internet becomes the key component in running a business. Staffs as well are becoming well-versed with most hardware, software and telecommunications equipments because technology has actually overrun their environment. Thus, it is without argument that Management Information System (MIS) changes the face of business as it was manifested in the following manners:
  1. Transformation of industrial economies
  2. Transformation of business enterprise
  3. Globalization

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Speaking Engagement

A friend of mine has invited me to render a short talk on Web stuff over a group of students, faculty members and school officials in their campus. Well, I never had the second thought to consider the idea because I think it will open so many opportunities for me. Not in terms of money but exposure and experience are best earned beyond monetary value and besides, I never thought somebody would think I am capable of conducting lectures on IT and let the audience believe I am credible to my speech. :D

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Partial List

In this post I give a partial list of the many things I'd like to thank God for. There is no specific order of importance but to make it easier to enumerate, I think I can follow the sequences of events I just did the whole day today...

  • That I'm alive today. That I can breath and I can move.
  • For another day or another 24 hours of time. For another chance to do the things I want to do.
  • For peaceful night that has just passed by. For a good sleep and a chance to take a rest.
  • For the mattress, the linens and the pillows that give comfort while I subject myself to snore and to dream.
  • For the toilet seat that catches my body wastes.
  • For the warm atmosphere the sun gives throughout the day. Such lead me to appreciate the damp of the wind over my skin.
  • For the amazing light of the sun that makes it possible to see the beauty of all things in my environment.
  • For the music, its rhythm or its beat that leads me to connect to my soul.
  • For the physical exercise I had learned. For the joy and understanding that it is good not only for my body but also for my mind and spirit.
  • For some electronic gadgets that provide me information and give means of communication to loved ones in far away places.
  • For knowledge on so many things, for insights and meaningful ideas.
  • For food that I get and for the tools used to prepare the food.
  • For my taste bud. For the sensation I get while I eat or drink.
  • For the water that flows out of the shower as I stand beneath it. For another sensation as I feel the rushing of liquid from my head down to my neck, to my body, to my legs and down to my feet.
  • For the cleansing power of soap in my bath.
  • For the strength to do some chores. For unusual cheerfulness and light feeling as I do it, and even until I finish it no tiredness that I feel.
  • and
  • for
  • many
  • more...
I pray that I can have more time and opportunity to write and express how grateful I am and tell the whole world that God is good and I am very blessed. Thus, I can stay happy.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

How I May Handle Forgiveness..,

This entry must be Part 2 of my old post, entitled The Challenge of Dealing With A 'Little Grudge'.

For a peaceful and happy life, they say that grudges or anger must be rejected or forgotten in just a short period of time. That might be true but very ideal. What I don't like about idealism is I end up being frustrated. At this point in time, I think I'm in the transition of adapting some kind of philosophy... details about it I couldn't express yet but as you dear readers go through this scribble, you'll probably get a glimpse on what I mean. Anyway I simply believe that there is no such thing as "forgetting the past" because every event that occurs in one's life tend to retain in memory be it positive or negative.

What really is important are the feelings and the pattern of thoughts that grow each day within me. These things change. I knew I had been sick while keeping all those grudges but very hopeful that this sickness can be cured. Since those people I've dealt with left great impact to my life, I say it will take a lot of time for me to get healed.

I'll try to practice the combination of logical thinking and intuitive mind. I want happiness and joyfulness and I have to act on it. Unfortunately, with all these grudges I have I wouldn't get to the state of being what I really want. I can go for forgiveness and I can do that not only because they say it is the right thing to do but most of all because I FEEL it's the best thing I'd like to do. I'll be forgiving and the reason for that is only "ME". I need to be aware of what I'm thinking and what I want because everything that I do is connected to every single person or thing in the
universe. Understanding causes and effects, and at the same time recognizing what I love to
do would make my goal in the first hand happen. I don't need to worry about the "how" of these
because it is the work of God.

******* Off topic:

You probably have noticed that it took me so long (again) to update this blog. Primarily because I am currently reading the book of "The Tao of Physics" (Fritjof Capra) and at the same time been reading other blogger's "Laws of Attraction".

And besides, brand new school year has just begun and work calls for arranging class schedules, preparing syllabi, & reading/re-reading lesson topics... but I have to and I love to write many things in all my blogs.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

God and Science: There Is No Clash Between Them

This is my humble post that aims to express some little thoughts on two of the most highly regarded and debated subjects which absolutely play significant influence among mankind. I'm referring to God and science. Honestly, I don't have enough courage to discuss these things especially because these requires profound knowledge, certain degree of intelligence, and at the same time, higher level of spiritual maturity or many doses of Bible verses. Hence, I'd like to begin by simply acknowledging that my views are simply the reflections of the things I learned from my early stages of life, down from my years in school as a student, from my various roles in the society, from the way society has accepted me, and from my habit of getting information through the use of different media. In other words, I'd like to raise some practical points on how I presently recognize the link between God and science; and this is to say that God and science never clash with each other.

There is the world and the universe that become the cradle for us humans, for all other habitats, and also for all non-living things ever named by men. By simply using our major senses, we knew and we experienced lots of things that were either tangible or intangible. The environment around us constitutes both the things that are seen and unseen. How do these things begun? I, in no doubt believe that there is one great author of the whole universe, of other mystified heavenly bodies, of the living and the non-living things, of those seen and unseen, and of course that includes people like you and me. One key principle of how or why everything was taken into place is the basic system that only God has the original idea. The system of an atom, for example. Such basic system has its own purpose and absolutely coincide with another basic system, or probably with more basic systems at one or another span of time; and thus every activities of all these systems provide significant effect that can further result to a new object/specie or a different behavior among other system/systems. And of course, there also exists a larger system which actually constitutes several small or basic systems. With this larger system, it is also possible to produce even more larger system depending on what purpose the creator wants it to be. Obviously I can refer to various systems like the oxidation of compounds, the photosynthesis of plants, and the evaporation-condensation-sublimation-precipitation stages of the water cycle system.

Science, in this perspective, becomes the knowledge of God. In my own definition, it is I think the understanding of the properties and behavior of all the living and non-living matters, the tangible and intangible things, including those seen and unseen. Science provides the explanation of various processes ranging from its core functions, up to the complexities of co-existing processes. It also covers cause-and-effect relationships and all the possibilities of revealing "hidden knowledge" that leads to science's flexibilities so that new inventions can come out. Through science, man becomes co-creator of God. With my lowly opinion, out of my observations of the world around us, I think that God is continuously at work. Everything is changing out of the will of God. When I say that "God is at work" does not literally mean that way; but rather He lets man do things like bridges, cars, computers so that both earth and life stay in harmony with each other. Let me point out that science is not evil at all.

In the early history of mankind, humans fall into imperfection from its initial state of perfection. Seems to me that there is certain thought (malice) that cause humans to fall. As man begun to entertain a single unwholesome thought, most likely he/she does it. Then chain-reaction and another issue of cause-and-effect relationships took place. More unwholesome thoughts follow: greed, selfishness, envy, insecurity, pride and what have you? Yet, there is one idea that puzzles me here. Of course I personally have a great dependent on God and many times in my life I have had miracle experiences and various signs that He exists in my life. I owe God in wonders but I hope God will forgive me if I question why at that first moment of man's downfall, He allowed an incident that leads man to sin? Did He actually authored a mistaken system or subsystem that cause one man commit mistake too? Yes, I understand God gave man a free will to decide and so did the woman chose to stay nearer and nearer to the temptation. If I may have answer my own question, my answer would be: God indeed is mysterious and probably those were (and also there are) the times that God provided a gap between man and Himself; to humble ourselves, to seek Him and draw near to Him in man's ways.

Since the time that God put down His curse to the offenders, the world then was put into struggle; but He is actually within our premises, who guides, teaches, helps, comforts, and provides omnipresently. His knowledge is so huge that he slowly reveals to mankind through science. Technology, the product of science has been part of any of the world's system already. Technology is neither good nor bad. To what way it is being used that surely destroys nature. It's the people's mindset that must be properly taken care of (or cured) especially when the world is already aware of the negative consequences occurring in using technology. Something must be resolved or a new alternative must be discovered, and still science has to do with it!

On the other hand, I see that negative consequences as well as somebody's mistake provide balance to another system/person/habitat/things. In practical lives, we learn from these and we get cautious because we once made mistake already or somebody has hurt us that left impact to our lives. Another way to view adverse effect, it provides intensive approach to the same system because feedbacks can be gathered and analyzed resulting to redesign of the existing system. It follows an input-process-feedback cycle until the desired output is achieved. That's why I see that in this current lifetime of ours, both nature and technology are meant to exists for man to utilize and enhance. But man must take the responsibility to preserve part of nature or grow more of it for human consumption.

The current lifetime that we have today are still imperfect. Man and God are hand-in-hand at work to go with the process leading to a one point of lifetime known as the eternity. Before peacefulness or eternal life can happen, several struggles has to occur first because probably mankind has already enjoyed a lot selfishly, abused the environment, or broke many human spirits; but along with this struggles, something is happening to those who choose to be at the side of the ultimate Creator. Hence struggle, paralleled with transformation is the way to a life that God has promised.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Pick One: Lover or Friend?

Still, I'd like to have a FRIEND rather than a LOVER. Why? It's because at anytime, with all my vulnerabilities, someone may walk into my life and offer the love that he has. Then at the very instant it could be like magic; a whirlwind of intense feelings and seems that the only persons remained in this world are just the two of us. I could almost be handicapped; blind to the realities of life or deaf to opinions of those who care. I wouldn't care because high feelings are so irresistible. Everything seems so nice because of course someone is in love with me. What then is the difference between a lover and a friend? Hear it from me.

Photo courtesy of

First, a lover shows off only everything nice and hide flaws at the early stage of the relationship while a friend is never afraid to provide transparencies of himself. A lover always put the best foot forward because he really sells himself to gain acceptance. A real friend doesn't need to be pretentious because he simply wants to be liked for who he is.

Secondly, a lover can lie when treachery comes into place because he tries to keep his partner from being hurt; but treachery is least likely to happen among friendships because a friend cannot afford to hurt a friend's feelings. A (lying) lover is so afraid to lose his partner while he could go on cheating but a friend believes it is unfriendly to cheat the other.

Lastly, if that person is intimately here today and gone tomorrow, he is just a lover (momentarily). A friend can always be there at one place in my life and not necessarily a sexual partner. A lover can walk away when old flames won't keep on burning. A friend doesn't need burning flames to stay.

I'm afraid to have a lover like those mentioned above but somehow I want a lover who is not that kind. Basically it's my joy to have a friend. And I need a friend though somehow I want a friend and a lover in just one person. I want it, meaning I can live with or without it. There's a big difference.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


I heard someone say: "we could not get lasting happiness through this material body and senses." Well, I agree on that one and I'd like to add: it is best to live in such a place where everyone understands that we are all spiritual in nature. If I am a spirit, I am not asking for freedom.

I simply understand that at this present time of ours, part of us is material being. We are imperfect but are given a chance to heal or reconstruct such imperfection into something that is spiritual by going into several stages or processes. There are lots of challenges here in the place we call 'world' but as spirits, we look forward to another dimension where love, life, and happiness are everything. Thus freedom is not anymore essential because of the perfection that everybody has got.

I also believe that there are two kinds of spirits, the good and the bad. That's why wearing this temporary body of ours means we are subjected to those two conflicting forces. That's why also, I believe people need rules (or perfect rules). Just like in paper, we could not draw a straight line without using a straight edge. Yet, I think straight edge will also be unnecessary if every spirits are one. The ideal one is to have a GOOD spirit.

To prove that we are one in spirit, I consider 'NO' answers to all of the following questions:
  1. Is it possible to NOT see litters if there are "candy wrappers" to scatter?
  2. Is there NO collision when other cars drive into your lane or tries to block you way?
  3. Can we see ugly faces if everyone around us looks good?
  4. Can we suffer pain when people do not err because they are transformed?
  5. Do we feel insecure when we know we are as important as others?
This lifetime of ours is a great challenge. I shall say I'm not righteous because I can do mistake sometimes but hope that everybody could be understanding. And if ever one is affected, hope too that he/she is able to forgive me. Same thing with the reverse side of it.

Therefore, living in this imperfect world is being responsible, recognizing "perfect rules", practicing virtues, and allowing God to take control. That way, we would be able to transform ourselves into spiritual being towards happiness and love in time eternity, on a peaceful environment, at a place called heaven.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Understanding Genetic Engineering

I was intrigued... or maybe just the my ignorance pushed me to dig some little "information" about this thing known as genetic engineering;

Or genetic manipulation;

Or genome sequencing;

Or germinal choice technology.

Well, so much of scientific terms but i think they just mean one thing: we are facing the period wherein men become creator of some "living things".

Much more that pushes me to think and discuss this topic is that the Vatican considers genetic engineering as one of the seven deadly sins of our present times.

Debate seems running on my mind: a sin or not? Good or bad? Benefits vs. dangers, which one outweighs the other?

Shall we live in fear?

I just read (

"The Nobel Prize-winning chemist Robert F. Curl of Rice University spoke for many of his colleagues in science when he proclaimed that the 20th century was "the century of physics and chemistry. But it is clear that the next century will be the century of biology."

Then this:

And also this:

Now my dear readers, I'm waiting for your comment....

Because I'd like to learn from you, too.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Challenge of Dealing With A 'Little Grudge'

A little grudge, eh? Yeah, grudge or a little grudge. You heard it! This is not good, i guess. That's why I wanna call it a little grudge. But I think it's all the same... a grudge is a grudge, isn't it?

Wednesday morning, on my way to work I came face to face with someone I really don't wanna see anymore. (Uh oh, wake up, Albine. The world is so small and there's a huge possibility to bump into anyone living in this planet.) I share the same ride on a public vehicle with this woman -- let's call her Sali -- who left a great impact to my life. Actually she is not the only person I almost swear I really do not want to see anymore for my entire life. They are a family. The story behind it is such a big family issue but I'd rather not say those details here.

This post I'm doing today, really is difficult. I wonder if I could write something out of honesty or without protecting a nice image of myself here in the blog arena. I see that sometimes honesty allows myself to expose my negative sides. That takes a lot of courage, I think. It's good to build a good image, but most of the time it's better to expose my dark sides because real nice people would accept me despite of these flaws I have. I just hope that my story's gonna give a picture of the real me.

Going back to Sali, I have this little grudge with her and among other else in her household. The fact that they're my neighbors means it's not really good to harbor these things in me. It's not healthy, I know. That's why to be good enough I said: "Okay, I want peace therefore you would never hear me saying anything against you. We've got no more connection, we ended our story and the book has been closed." Deep in my heart it's like saying I'll live life as if I never knew them before. That's why I always wished that our own roads won't cross anymore. But neighbors are neighbors. We're in just a small community and we access to common services. Then after almost a year of 'loosing' that connection, here we are face to face with one another. What a discomfort feeling on a Wednesday morning. My thoughts kept telling they've been unfair and sad stories kept coming back. Heart pounds, arms and legs tremble, and teary eyes were all I had that moment. I tried to manage so I decided to get some coins and pay for two rides: for me and for her, Sali. I turned to her and said, "I paid for your ride, don't bother". She smiled back. I didn't feel okay despite of her gesture. Even until I took off the ride while I left her in the same public vehicle.

I thought such close encounter would be a very rare encounter. On the contrary, the next morning (Thursday) the same thing happened again. In one vehicle we sat side by side. She noticed me first. I didn't say any words but I just looked at her. I don't know if she is being comfortable with me and she asked: "Work this summer period?" ...I nodded. "Who's with you in the house?" I raised my two hands, palms up signaling "none" without saying a word again. "Are you okay?" I nodded, the second time. I really avoided to talk because I felt like crying and I'd like to hide her my cries. I never wanted to make these cries so obvious to anyone else who know me this time. Before we took off the ride, she said: "I'll pay for your ride." Then I didn't say anything again and allowed her to pay for me. I never said anything, even until we parted each other that Thursday morning. I even forgot to say "thank you for paying for my fare".

I don't know If I've been rude but I was sure I still have the same old grudge because otherwise, I would never feel as bad as that. Overcoming this grudge is the greatest struggle I think I have for now. Actually I don't wanna call it grudge. And sometimes I tell myself, "I don't wanna keep it anymore. Let go of all those grudges and bitterness." The solution for this, I think is forgiveness.

Ahh, forgiveness! What is it, by the way? Is it easy to learn?

Friday, March 21, 2008

Just Thought I'd Be Happy

Music... what have you!?

Thought the beat of you would make me so high...
The silence in my room indeed broken;
Zest to work hard, yes I got from you...
But to what extent? And until when?

Oh no, as if I'm back to same old story!
This damn feeling of loneliness never leave me here.
Why do I feel so empty?
Ahhh, maybe I just have nothing.

Nothing in this world but be heard...
Nothing that I need is to express;
Think I have lots of it in store,
But where's the other end?

Hey, music! Lucky you because I hear you.
I listen to you, I can be with you all night!
Thanks, you gave me company...
But sorry to say that I hate you!

...Induced me to longing;
Longing and longing.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Impact of the Internet on Me

A Reaction to the Study Conducted by the PEW/Internet and American Life Project Entitled “The Internet and Daily Life”

I just got a laptop recently. After years of wishing and dreaming, now I have one. First, I want a laptop because it will serve as my assistant to my work and my studies. With all the paper works and necessary recordings I have to make, there must be a device like the personal computer with me – 24 hours a day. Then I had this laptop. Is it an Internet or Wi-Fi ready? Yes, and then I realized that my satisfaction of owning this gadget doesn’t stop there. Next I found out I need the access to the Internet. At work, I could pick a UTP cable in one corner of the computer laboratory to be able to go online. That way, I thought I could be able to get enough of my needs with respect to those tasks this laptop can serve. It was still my dissatisfaction. Computer laboratories at the school where I teach at are of course for students’ use and I, as a teacher cannot use those rooms all the time. Inconvenience on my part because I have to check first whether one of those rooms are available for “just-asking-a-favor” like me. There is scarcity of that kind of resources at work but it is not the topic of this essay. Easy but cheap long-distance communications or prompt ad hoc information gathering provide an increasing need to make this laptop serve its full potential. Away from work, I can go to some malls, where wireless Internet access is available. The problem with that is the spending I get because I have to pick a restaurant that provides the access to its customers. Added to that hassle is the amount of idle time spent on travel and traffic. True enough, I have this laptop but not happy with it. So I applied for broadband internet service at home. As for now, I can say that there is a great impact of the Internet in my daily life.

According to the PEW Internet and American Life Project, many Americans use the Internet in everyday activities. Their findings show that majority or 92 percent of Internet users in America say it is a good place to find everyday information. Others or 85 percent of them say the Internet is the good way to communicate or interact with others. Next to it is 75 percent of Americans who find Internet as a good place to conduct everyday transactions and the rest or 69 percent of them say it is a good way to find entertainment in everyday life.

The succeeding sections would elaborate the impact of the Internet in my daily life. Categories are presented in an order of having the greatest impact value on me, down to the line which has the least. There is one item I added because I knew for myself that I actually want a laptop for earning purposes. What I mean here is I can use my laptop to handle some extra jobs.

I Use the Internet Primarily Because I Need to Communicate

I am not an American but if they would ask me which among these four categories (i.e. information seeking, communications, transactions, and entertainment) play the greatest impact on me, it would be communications rather than information seeking which came top on American survey. Economical, convenience, efficiency, and reliability are the advantages I see on daily Internet communications. I see that this type of communication could allow me to experience these advantages in terms of posting announcements, conducting inquiries, providing updates, and joining discussions. Hence, I use e-mail, chat services, web logs, and forum services to reach my colleagues, students, friends, classmates and even other people I have never met in person before.

The economic side of it is obvious because my Internet service providers (ISP) allow unlimited access time for some fixed amount on a monthly basis. These services, particularly e-mail are an efficient and very reliable form of communication because its content can be viewed repeatedly. I think it is equally reliable and credible, too as the old-time letter/document in paper (tangible) form especially on serious issues that may require irrevocable expressions. That’s why I am so serious and very careful in conversing with anyone over the Internet. I could even keep some back up copies and print them as well so that no one would deny what they have said to me. Likewise, I could never deny everything I have said though this it is just electronically conversed. Along with e-mail service is the possibility of getting documents via file transfer as attachments to an e-mail message. I can now minimize spending money on courier service because of the Internet.

The web is of course very efficient because my message can go through its recipient in matter of seconds. Chat service or conferencing is the best way to get efficient Internet communication and the best thing about it is I can connect to people to anywhere they are. Neither seas nor mountains would deprive two parties to communicate each other as efficient as pressing the send button and getting reply in seconds’ interval – that is for instant messaging service. A higher level of satisfaction would be such that turning the microphone, speaker and the web camera on so that both ends would hear and see each other online. Communication over long distances would be as fast as talking to one another in person, face to face.

The convenience I got in this form of communication occurs in several ways. With my experience, broadcasting by means of web log, web sites and user group forums via Internet is very ideal to post or receive announcements and information updates. Before Internet times, broadcasting seldom happened among small group of people because one has had to find radio stations or bulletin boards to announce upcoming events. The assurance of reaching intended recipients that time was very minimal because not all people listen to a single AM or FM broadcasts. Also, not all people listen to them at the same range of time. So, to increase the possibility of sending the same information during that time, one has had to hop from one radio station to another or post on many bulletin boards (electricity poles in worse scenarios) but communication was less effective though. Nowadays, it would be a lot different. If I would be a president of an organization, I would provide a website for that one and at the same time I would make my blog site accessible to every members of my organization. I can have the comfort of writing those matters over the Internet without the hard time of traveling to those radio stations, and public places where bulletin boards are available. Most of all, I would not be a contributor to dirty environment by leaving all those electricity poles alone! That way, it would be easy to manage my group. As a teacher, I make use of user group so that my announcements and other communications would be conducted online. Another advantage in terms of convenience provided by the Internet is the idea that I can participate to threading and some discussions or I can inquire on something to some companies, agencies and organizations without the hassle of asking for an appointment with somebody. And more importantly, the Internet helps eliminate those waiting hours that I can possibly take while on queue if I only want to ask about what requirements I need to submit for enrollment, or ask for a form for civil service exam application, or inquire about how much I have contributed to my social security. On small issues, I don’t need to physically attend to various seminars to learn about something because I find it easy to join some groups who share ideas of the same interests. For example, I joined a group of vegetarian people, raise my concern, get their opinions and continuously interact with them. The relief I can get on various communications while just sitting in this corner of my home and being online would be endless as I appreciate what this big e has to offer.

Internet Information Searches in General is Advantageous but I Need to be Very Careful about Those Pieces that I Get

It is great how search engines list down related topics from around the world after I key in something on that portion of text box and click the search button. I can search on anything that comes to my mind from the broadest sense to the most specific subject. The list that I get from the web on a particular topic would be so many. And information floods to my PC so easily. One time when my schedule was not so tight, I found out (after more than 3 decades) that my first name is a name of a saint and also there’s a city in France that bears the name that I bear. Where else in the world would I go to find information that I need promptly? Of course, the answer would be the Internet. Online encyclopedias, magazines, news publications, journals, government/company/school web sites are among those sources that can give me the most reliable information plus there are sites where multimedia format of items (videos, sounds and pictures) are available. Many of the information are free of charge but most of them are downloadable with corresponding payments. Flooding of information surely happens because a lot of individuals or groups are so generous to provide these online. This issue I want to discuss elsewhere, probably with another essay one time. I want to give some sort of warning on getting information from free encyclopedias and on some forms of organizations. I advise that one must read or think about the contents carefully because these are written by many sorts of users of the Internet who tries to contribute. In these cases, the reader must be aware that some entries may not have valid basis or sources.

I must admit Internet search engines help a lot but I am actually not happy with it. In a positive way to look at it, authors in general say the just a single substance on concepts or ideas of one matter, yet others present the same topic in a different manner. For example, when I need the topic about “phased approach to business process reengineering” different sources give various lights. And when I search for the topic “business process reengineering”, I need to realize that this topic is also the same as “business process restructure”. Surprisingly, some writers call it “business reorganization”. In this case, I need not complain because even in the old times of pen and print, books of different authors vary in presentation and usage of terms. I think that every researcher must acquire a certain level of intelligence to weigh down all the information he/she can get over the Internet. As a teacher, I don’t easily rely on materials downloaded from the Internet but to give a level of trust on some authors, I could check if such material goes with authentic book publications. As I get tons of information in my daily searches, I end up so confused and tired. Many times I can open a file but in the end it does not contain the information that I want. Sometimes, the topic that I am searching for seemed to be too specific that I need to find another key term in broader idea.

Information is easily gathered over the Internet and this incredible machine where I compose this essay, connected to another incredible machines elsewhere in the globe would simply give me all that I have asked. Compared to my days when in high school, I remember I had to travel across town just to find a household who owns a set of encyclopedia. In there I can conduct my research on my science subject. Information sources were very limited that time even when I was in college because the Internet was not here then. Students/learners today are so lucky that even if they don’t have any PC at home, Internet cafes exist in many places and they can go online anytime. Some Internet cafes are open 24 hours a day. There’s another context I can see in a negative view with students who utilize the web to search on something but again, I better discuss it on another essay. The idea I want to emphasize here however, is that large possibility of all information can be provided by the Internet including obscene and malicious items. I think that one must possess a level of maturity, not in terms of age but in terms of wisdom or responsibility. After all, as I perceive it, e-democracy means democracy of every citizen (of the world) to possess freedom of expressions over the web, with Internet as the main tool. A matured and responsible citizen who may receive unwholesome items from this media may neither be rattled, nor lost, nor corrupted yet find the Internet a better tool to carry on most of his/her daily activities.

The impact of the Internet on me, when used as a tool to search information would be this way: there’s a need for me to achieve certain level of intelligence so that I can just read the information but later accept it as true only if agrees to my personal experience (not other’s opinion) or proven facts/universal principles. I am neither affected, nor dismayed, nor even cheerful to know those Internet scandals and various crimes exist over the web simply because I believe they wouldn’t succeed if no one would patronize them nor hail their activities.

Extra Jobs would be the Third Reason Why I Need the Internet Day After Day

I’ve got a full time job in teaching and I have part-time job in other school. When time permits, I would add another job by going back to writing online which I have started before. I can’t write online nowadays because graduate school demands a great amount of time, mental and physical resources of me. On between breaks, I might as well write again most especially because I need a payoff over laptop usage and Internet consumption. Sooner or later I plan to go back to my web logs, organize it well, build a better network, and earn from blogging. Then, if those plans were done and if I become adopted to unfamiliar sets of activities in my daily life, I would either study a couple of software because I want to design, create or maintain web sites of some businesses or I would find a better alternative, perhaps get jobs online, transact over the web, and do jobs remotely.

Finding Entertainment and Transacting Everyday Affairs Online Are the Least Reasons Why I Need the Internet

It could be true that many times I go online to read for pleasure or to listen to several types of music but I have never experienced conducting transactions over the Internet. These factors, the entertainment side and the commonplace transactions side of the Internet indeed remain insignificant to me, because I am not that type of person who uses computers just to play games nor who pay bills online. I don’t enjoy virtual games, but I admire programmers behind these types of software. I thought it was good to transact so got the access to my bank account (online); and thought also that I would be able to pay my electricity bills. But after a while it was not an effective tool for me because it was such a hassle to remember passwords. Imagine keeping different account names and passwords for companies like my bank and my electricity provider. One time I forgot my log on information so I tried logging on several times until I was blocked from using my bank account online. What a mess!

On the other hand, there are things I appreciate with the entertainment side. These are listening to music, reading, or pursuing my hobby. I had signed up to web sites who allow keeping play lists and providing songs of various artists. Lately, too I found out that it is a good hobby to keep some web logs so I added blogging to my hobby list. Blogging for me was a combination of executing my hobby and reading for pleasure. Many times I go reading from one weblog to another. It doesn’t end there. That was because I even got a social e-network with blogging.

On conducting commonplace transactions over the web, I see that it has that less impact not only on me but on my country in broader sense. Commercial establishments here are not yet ready to adapt that kind of marketing strategy. How much more with those government agencies here?


Even though the Internet is a great advantage to me in terms of communications technology, it also has certain disadvantages that I would like to avoid. These are lack of face-to-face socialization, information overload, and password fatigue. It is obvious that communications via Internet doesn’t provide personal touch to conversation. There’s nothing else than talking to friends and family members in person that he may hold my hand if he wants to while saying “you are safe here”, for example. One more thing, I can’t rely to searching information via web because often times I got information overload. Lots of files to read, lots of files to delete. Finally, I would like to avoid the so-called password fatigue. Password fatigue refers to a syndrome where I need to remember an excessive number of passwords as part of my daily living.

Related Readings:

My Beverage

Being experimental today...

Touched one charming charming device. Unfamiliar.
It's been here several days ago.
Just purchased very intriguing coffee-maker device.
Seems I can get along with it.
Let's see...

Cup of water. Teaspoonful of ground coffee.
Plug it. Push the button. Wait...
Hmmm, smells good! Taste it?
Wow, fine! ...Bitter. That's fine.
Dash of sugar... brown sugar, muscovado sugar.
Enough to experience bitterness.
Sip... Another sip...

Aha! Got an idea... Chocolate. Special dark chocolate!

Just a few chips. Dropped into it. Stir.
How is it?
Hmmm! Guess what, i like it! Terrific. Bitter-sweet good.

Forget about troubles. Relax.
Hear that saxo music playing.
See that cup of coffee you're holding.
Are you complete?

Uh, oh... wish you were here.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Getting Technical?

Allow me to post here the essay I wrote in compliance with one of the many requirements I just have in graduate school. Shooting two birds in one stone, here goes my blog entry and an assignment as well.

My professor wants us to submit a reaction paper on this article:

Why IT Doesn't Matter Anymore

And this is my essay:

IT Doesn’t Matter in Developing Countries

In 2003, the Harvard Business Review published an article by Nicholas G. Carr entitled, “IT Doesn’t Matter”. Basically, it aims to lay out the economics of information technology (IT) at the corporate level. First, let us answer the question “What is IT?” IT involves not only just computer literacy but also the knowledge of how computers work and how these computers can further be used in information processing as well as in communications and problem solving tasks. In modern business, most activities are done with the help of machines (i.e., not to mention digitally). In household, at least we know of ATM cards, compact disks, MP3 players, text messaging, or the Internet. Many technical terms come in the list and more will arise in the future as technology evolves. It only indicates that IT, or information and communications Technology (ICT), in the broader sense is just around to influence the whole world, not only in businesses but in the households as well.
Carr emphasizes that IT doesn’t matter anymore because it can be compared to electricity in the sense that no company builds its business strategy anymore around its electricity usage. On the other sense, electricity matters because without the supply, commerce would come to a halt. But in the skill of electricity management, it is no longer particularly useful to most companies, since electricity is now so cheap and so commonplace that it can no longer be a source of competitive advantage to companies. The same is true with IT. As most companies are able to invest in IT, it also can no longer be a source of competitive advantage. Therefore, Carr says IT doesn’t matter anymore. Doesn’t IT matter anymore? Yes, indeed IT doesn’t matter in developing countries! This is not to say, however in the context of Carr’s notion but in a different way.
While many in the development community believe that IT can serve as a catalyst to help poorer countries accelerate development, IT remains less impact on the poor countries than on the rich ones. Also, while IT gives more impact on rich countries, only the developed community can supply computer hardware and other innovative products. Moreover, while IT is an essential tool to everyone, either in commerce or in agriculture, wise western ‘partners’ are able to manage prices of natural resources through hedging, thus deteriorating the economy of the underdogs. IT doesn’t matter in developing countries for as long as digital divide exists and the few capitalists continue to garner self-interests. What will matter if superior economies continue to exploit poor countries’ natural resources and take advantage of scarcity in third world countries?
The Digital Divide Phenomenon
Carr pointed out that IT doesn’t matter anymore because of its potency and ubiquity and its core functions have become available and affordable to all. It was supported by the fact that there has been an increase in capital expenditures of American companies towards information technology. Statistics show that in the early eighties, investment in IT increased to 15% from its old record in 1965, which was only about five percent. It even rose further in the early nineties by at least 30%, and greater still by the late nineties for about 50%. Given this figures, shall we say that IT has become commonplace around the world? Definitely the answer is no. There is only a small portion of wealthy nations along the world and they are the only few countries who can say that IT is so commonplace.
According to the World Bank, there are 56 countries that fall under the developed countries, while 138 countries are under the developing countries. The total number of countries in the world today is 194. This shows only 56 out of 194 countries of the whole world or 28.86 percent fall under the developed countries (or rich countries), while a large value of 138 or 71.14 percent of the world total nations belong to the developing countries (or low-income economies).
With regards to population, there are about 6.6 billion people in the world as of mid-year 2007. Among the 23 most populous nations in the world, there are only six developed countries listed, while the developing countries comprise the majority of 17 nations. Of all the rich countries, the United States only ranked third of the most populous and Japan, Germany, France, United Kingdom, and Italy only ranked 10th, 14th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd, respectively. These countries constitute only 631 million people or 10 percent of the world’s population. On the other hand, the low-income economies of China and India top the list of most populous nations in the world. China ranked first and India ranked second. On rank fourth is Indonesia followed by Brazil, Pakistan, and other many countries including Philippines. These countries that fill the knots of top populous comprise 4.1 billion people or 63 percent, significantly.
With the present demography, this is to contest that IT’s potency and ubiquity is far from what Carr described in his article. The process of technology diffusion occurs unevenly across national boundaries because of differences in national environments and links to the global economy. There is technology divide and digital divide among rich countries and poor countries in the world. Kenny (2007) states that, “The Internet will have less impact on poor countries than on rich ones because the enabling environment for advanced applications isn’t there.” In Sri Lanka for example, their 2004 survey shows there is significant unequal availability of computers in households. The urban households possessing a computer is only a small portion of 10 percent while the rural households owning it has the very little value of 3 percent. Internet facility is available only in 7 out of 1000 households. For households without computer, 78 percent said they did not need these facilities; and 14 percent meet these needs through private institutions such as communication centers, cyber cafes, etc. It was found out that majority (64%) did not feel the need of acquiring a home computer soon, possibly due to the lack of knowledge (computer illiteracy) and resources. Those who strongly feel the need of computers comprises one third (36%) of the population sample.
Although the Internet use is expanding rapidly and the number of Internet users in developing countries increased from about one per thousand people in 1993 to 75 per thousand in 2003, many people in developing countries have decided to stay offline. The advanced use of the Internet is extremely limited. A recent survey carried out in regions of India, Mozambique and Tanzania found that, in spite of the availability of public facilities in local towns, less than two percent of respondents had ever used the Internet (In contrast, seventy percent were regularly using the telephone). For buying and selling over the Web, secure servers are used to host e-commerce applications. Of 110,000 such servers worldwide, only 224 are in low income countries.
The general state of the developing world that drives the low exploitation of Internet use is the lack of knowledge of people. In Chile, the two most popular answers to a survey of enterprises that asked why so few are into e-commerce were ‘it isn’t necessary’ and ‘our clients don’t use the Internet’. Therefore, the human capital for IT applications is not sufficient. Chile, one of the richest among developing countries with an illiteracy rate is only about five percent, 80 percent of people do not have experiences on IT. The financial infrastructure for e-commerce in the third world is lacking. In China, only 13 percent of online transactions are completed with a credit card. Above all, the physical infrastructure doesn’t help. In Brazil, for example, FedEx doesn’t deliver Amazon packages to rural areas.
In the developing countries of the Asia-Pacific region, reports claim that IT spending among those countries rose in 2004 by 10 percent as compared to IT spending in the previous year, and still increasing in the succeeding years. China and India, considered the two emerging economies in the region, are being accounted to the highest IT investments in Asia-Pacific. Other high IT investments are accounted to Indonesia, Vietnam, the Philippines, Malaysia and Thailand. Having said so, the ratio of IT spending to gross domestic product (GDP) in the region is low, at 2 percent against 4-5 percent in developed countries, a sign that IT commodity in the region are far from saturated.
The current problem of developing countries lies in lack of affordability of computer hardware despite the various low-cost computers such as a $100 laptop being offered as solutions. It may also be noted that problem is part of a broader set of issues that include poverty, lack of infrastructure and inadequate education. Other than the level of national wealth, Dedrick, Kraemer, and Shih (2008) consider the following as the driving factors towards IT investments among nations:
1. Resource for technology – means the availability of capital, either from external sources such as foreign direct investment and foreign aid or from internal sources such as equity markets and domestic loans and credits;
2. Structure of the economy – refers to finance, insurance and real estate as percent of total country employment;
3. Complementary assets – these are such as a telecommunications infrastructure and skilled human resources; and
4. Openness to external influences – means foreign trade facilitates the diffusion of IT across borders as it provides channels of communication that stimulate cross-border learning of production methods, product design, organizational methods, and market conditions.
Their analysis leads to two general conclusions that have important practical implications. First, the study shows that wealth is the single most important factor influencing IT investment but that other factors are significant as well. This raises the question of how important GDP per capita is relative to other factors for developing countries, given that relative wealth is difficult to directly influence through policy changes, at least in the short run. Second, the factors driving diffusion are different for developing economies than for developed ones. The availability of investment resources (loans and foreign aid), the level of complementary assets, and openness to foreign investment all play a role in driving IT investment in developing countries. Again, these factors can be influenced by national development policies as well as by financial aid from international development agencies.

Technology: Who’s Growth Are They Talking About?
Hunger, illiteracy, lack of access to health care, and lack of decent shelter are among the many problems confronting the governments of poor countries. The ambitious drive of these governments towards taking ICT to the villages provide ingenious way of bridging technology divide. Imagine the sprouting satellite towers on villages where people have nothing to eat! Indeed, the technology uplifts the quality of life - survey evidence suggests that farms and enterprises with access to phones get more for their products whilst consumers with telephone access pay less, for example. The Philippines has been noted for m-commerce and the mobile phone is being used to transfer cash in areas with few banks and fewer ATMs - 2.3 million people are benefited from it. However, it is foolish that a number of economists have run statistical analyses suggesting evidence of a link between telephone rollout and economic growth.
It is true that the ICT and the business process outsourcing (BPO) industries have generated more jobs in India (the same is true in the Philippines). It even promises to create million jobs by 2007. India records 600.000 jobs created in the ICT sector and 200,000 people employed in the BPO companies but this is only a small portion compared to the huge unemployment in the same country. The same analysis also applies to other developing countries like the Philippines.
In India, its Millennium Development Goals aims to pull out half the world's population living in poverty and hunger by the year 2015 (Sharma, 2007). Between 2000 and 2005, Rs. 720,000 million has been invested in the telecom sector. Much of this is in the name of building a knowledge-led rural economy. Strange, however, that there is no small amount of money when it comes to the sunrise industries while a large number of families were living in hunger. If only India, according to Sharma, had attempted to feed its 320 million hungry in 2002-03, at least a third of world's hunger could have been taken care of. While farmers constitute the rural majority, they have been considered by some economist to be less in need of adequate infrastructure, cheap credit, an assured market, and a remunerative price. Apparently, government funds have been appropriated to the small percentage of rich industrialists, business and trade. Strange also, that the technology divide or the digital divide surely becomes wider when scarce public resources are first misappropriated.
In India, moreover, there is a program for virtual agricultural universities. It is being hailed as a revolutionary paradigm to transform the life of Indian farmers. In Maharashtra for example, fifty internet kiosks have already been set up as a pilot project in the villages of Baramati and Khed tehsils of Pune district. This project involves trained farmers to spread the technology to another ten farmers in the village. Its objective is to improve the farmer's decision making ability, help aggregation of demand by creating a virtual producers' cooperative and in the process facilitate access to higher quality farm inputs at lower costs for the farmers.
Several technological schemes have been tried in India’s history of agriculture. There was the disbanded Training and Visit (T&V) system of farm extension where it was known to embark the same strategy as the internet kiosks in the village. However, it has miserably failed in disseminating improved technology. Report shows that Maharashtra has already spent Rs. 15 million for the pilot project in 2003-04 and has promised Rs. 17.5 million for 2004-05. Another ambitious program was noted when the country was waking up the visual medium – the television. The government provided community TV sets in each village but it failed to inspire the farming community to bring about technological revolution. The obvious phenomenon despite the reach of the visual communication medium, hunger and poverty continued to grow. Sad to think, but only those manufacturers and suppliers of the TV sets attained economic growth.
The idea however, of bringing ICT to the villages is to benefit the small percentage elite industrialists and to expect farmers to go online and trade is ridiculous. The paradox of accessing to higher quality farm inputs at lower costs for the farmers via Internet against the lowering economy of developing countries is obvious. In terms of commodity exchange for example, Indian government is slowly withdrawing from food procurement, the main reason is unmanageable procurement structure and the inefficiency in the system. Food procurement is a way to provide an assured market to the farmers. Withdrawn food procurement means farmers are being penalized for the inefficiency of the food corporations and various other government agencies. Along with this situation, Indian government is also withdrawing from providing an assured price to farmers by saying time and again that the minimum support price (MSP) has become the maximum support price. This is opposed to the reality that the MSP looks higher than the international prices because of the massive agricultural subsidies in the western countries that depress global prices. In the richest trading block - Organisation for Economic Cooperation (OECD) countries - a subsidy of US $ 1 billion is provided every day to agriculture as a result of which the international prices slump (Sharma, 2007). By withdrawing the support prices by the Indian government, along with other third world countries is only helping the American and European farmers to continue to produce at subsidized prices and then offer the produce to the global markets. In reality, the dumping of cheap and subsidized commodities on the world markets is the main reason why rural poverty and loss of livelihoods continues.
Furthermore, in India, there is known as e-Choupal, an initiative to link directly with rural farmers for the procurement of agricultural/aquaculture produce like soya, coffee, and prawns. E-Choupal’s objective, they say, is to eliminate wasteful intermediation and multiple handling. The result is the fast moving of retail sector into the rural areas. It is seen, however that e-Choupals have created a direct marketing channel for the promoting company with the essence at harmonizing the business pursuits rather than helping the farming community leading to sustainable livelihoods.
Change is desirable. It is even necessary. Setting up infrastructures and adopting IT in the rural areas is certainly not incorrect. The sad reality only shows that those behind several projects have lost its mission to actually help mitigate the existing problems of the poor and hungry. Common to the third world countries are problems that exist somewhere else but they come out with the solutions that actually provide full pockets to multinational companies and put their wealth to the western world.
For developing countries to realize the potential benefits of IT, policymakers should look for real ways to bridge digital divide and to protect the welfare of marginalized sector. To attain greater IT use and at the same time strengthen farmers and small business sectors, the following are recommendations:
  1. Provide a good sense of fund appropriations to agriculture but at the same time promoting the strength of industry, finance, and information-intensive services;
  2. Devise programs among rural livelihood to strengthen microeconomic levels and maintain self-reliance among the poor;
  3. Devise programs to protect the welfare of marginalized sector of the farming community; and
  4. Adopt technologies and standards to bring country’s produce to global market, with competitive price without sacrificing quality.
Moreover, telecommunication investment accompanied by policies to introduce competition into that sector is essential to promote IT diffusion in the developing countries. Along with these infrastructures, increasing efforts to educate people in IT and producing ICT professionals are important to spread out IT-related services.
Finally, encouraging foreign investment by removing restrictions and improving the environment for foreign capital is likely to have a major impact. In cases such as Mexico and Brazil, economic liberalization that led to investment by foreign multinationals stimulated IT use. These multinationals required suppliers to adopt IT, and created competitive pressure for domestic firms to invest in IT.
Dedrick, J., Kraemer, K.L., & Shih, E. (2008). It diffusion in Developing countries. Communications of the ACM, 51(2), 43 – 48.
Kenny, C. (2007, April). Internet in development: World Wide Web? Retrieved January 3, 2008 from the world wide web:
Rosenberg. M. (2007, September 9). Most Populous Countries. Retrieved January 3, 2008 from the world wide web:
Rosenberg. M. (2006, November 10). The Number of Countries in the World. Retrieved January 3, 2008 from the world wide web:
Satharasinghe, A. Computer Literacy of Sri Lanka – 2004. Retrieved January 3, 2008 from the world wide web:
Sharma, D. (2007, August). ICT and Rural Livelihoods. Retrieved January 3, 2008 from the world wide web:
Varian, H. R. (2004, May 6). How Much Does Information Technology Matter? [Electronic Version]. The New York Times
Wong, C. (2005, January 5). IT spending to rise 10% in Asia, 12% in RP.
Small Business Bible is a site that presents essentials on Small Business (
Wikipedia is an only free encyclopedia (

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

A Post on Valentine's Day

It's February 14 so I allowed myself to have a little time to scribble something for my blog. It's really been a while since I posted here. In fact, Christmas and New Year have passed that I didn't have some posts those days. Wished I could but, umm, well I'll just keep it to myself.

And I thought I have to update my blog, just in time for Valentine's day. It's a love day. Funny so it seems but really love has been the favorite themes of many. What I'll say here, you may already have heard before but still, I want to give it a try. Here it goes:

I believe in love,
It's more than just a feeling;
It moves people to do many things
Of high-moral value.

I believe in God,

He is the source of Love;
Love is God Himself.

I believe in marriage,
It is the union between a man, a woman,
And God.

I believe in life,
We go on each day, hoping to have life;
But there's no beautiful life
Without love!

Wow, can't believe this... been back to my blog again. But yeah, I'll still have some more. See you.

Friday, November 30, 2007

30th Day of November is My Rest Day. Ow, Really?

Hey, Albine... It's been so Long, What Happened?

Indeed, it's been so long since I last updated this journal of mine. For lots of reasons like graduate school requirements, inaccessible Internet, assorted feelings and ideas, adjustment to new schedule, and other things.

In graduate graduate school, that thesis of mine and other little projects ate up my time for so many days. The very main reason for not blogging so long. I planned to post one especially on the day I'd like to commemorate my daughter's birthday. My regret I couldn't find time to write a single post or greetings for her, somehow. Then it was semestral break at work and sem break for Internet facility, too...(LOL) Sorry for myself because I couldn't get subscription at home. A couple of weeks had passed and I got unorganized or undecided on what topic to post next. Is it about the bonding moments with some friends? Or about my second date with Sean? The holiday I spent in Marinduque? Or another post on prejudice, racism, and Philippine colonial mentality? Or shall I re-style first this site of mine, change skin, add some blog rolls, links, and etc.? So I end up with nothing on my blog for that span of time. Finally sem break is over but still I had a hard time adjusting to my new schedule. It was the start of another semester and I had lots of preperations at work. Then I was figuring out how I can reconcile my free time with blogging moments.

Do You ever Know How to Relax, Albine?

For my come back post, I'd like to say again I'm so busy. Really I am. In fact, I can just get a 5-hour average sleep a day. Busy with work, studies, and other things. I wonder if life has been designed for me this way forever. But now's a red-letter day in the Philippines and I chose to stay home. Eventhough, to-do list is haunting me, especially household chores... laundry, dusts around the house, unfolded clothes, the bathroom, dried fallen leaves at the small "garden", unattended orchids, pile of unsorted papers... hmm, whatelse? How about pampering myself? Wish I could get time to exfoliate my skin, self-hair-spa, and self-manicure/pedicure. Most of all, I'd like to sleep longer today, early in the afternoon. Ah, but my rule, just for today is -- relax, slow down, don't rush, spontaneity, and silence.

Being alone in the house seems so easy to relax, but for my state of being it's the other way around. I hate the silence here. It's so lonely. I can keep the Media Player running but still silence is all over my place. I'm aching. Today I'm taking my time outta here, but is this my kind of break? See the stream of tears coming from my eyes. Why do moments of darkness keep coming back? Why can't I forget such betrayals they made? The fiction stories my ex-lovers told me and the hypocrisy and insensitivity of some people whom I thought were my friends. How will I learn to forgive myself? Guilty feelings and regrets... things like "I shouldn't do that" or "I should have done this" or what-ifs. These thoughts never leave me alone here. And why am I so fearful of what lies ahead of me? I hate uncertainties, is there ever a way for me to get the things that I desire?

Negative thoughts are lingering. Hope I can help myself. May not be the right move but I can leave these thoughts and check out my to-do list. Then I would spontaneously start whatever I feel I'd like to do. It's because I'm taking my time outta here. Yes, that's why I better keep myself busy rather than entertaining those lingering unwholesome thoughts.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Corny Poem: My first try

More Than You Do

Cats, baboons, blue skies, and vegetables;
Things that trigger, my name to recall;
I'm glad that not only a single key
Can make you remember an ordinary me.
But let me tell you, dear:
I remember you more than you do.

Our homes were at each opposite sides
Of this small world, a sphere;
From the moment that we connect,
I knew you've been far and also you've been near.
Since then, you said, so sweet to hear:
You missed me so many times,
That you wished I was there.
But let me tell you, dear:
I miss you more than you do.

You react when you hear me say:
"I think of you more than you do";
Same thing, you object when I wrote:
"I miss you more than you do".
So, you asked: How do I gauge that?
Well, I use no gauge, in fact.

The things I believe, the feelings I feel,
The only one who can tell is me;
If others can do better,
I shall do the best that I can;
If you do more than I can do,
I shall exceed to all your ways.